the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
