being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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