I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
