Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
