why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
