Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
