Four minutes until I can fart!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
