Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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