I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
