I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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