I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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