Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
