so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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