so explain again why im purple
no
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
