Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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