dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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