a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
