I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
