I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
