Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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