So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
