So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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