Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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