Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize