Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
