all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
