I can text with my tongue
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
