and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
