Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
