Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
