3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
babies were throwing up all over the place
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize