The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize