pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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