we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
