If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
