I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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