So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
