It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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