i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize