Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just puked most of my soul out..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
