Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I love black thongs
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
