Pappa wants mamma naked
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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