dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
