I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
