Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish you could order shots online.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
