Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
