On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
