booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize