Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
