Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
