Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
