Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so let's talk penis.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
