I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he shaved USA in his pubs
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
