I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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