i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
