her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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