Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
