Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize