Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
