he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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