I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
