I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
