Where is the hickey?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
