Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
