I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize