The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
this boner is exhausting
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
