Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
