Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
