that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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