Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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