OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Found your dick twin last night
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize