Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
