Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
