i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm bleeding and have questions
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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