You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
