so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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