just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
