Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
