We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
