I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
