i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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