careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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