we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize