Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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