So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
