i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
