I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
