I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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