New low: just hacked my moms facebook
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize